


Wish You Were Mine

by cuteandtwisted



Series: In Every Universe [11]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bartender Even, Fake Dating, M/M, Mutual Pining, Smitten Isak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-13 23:40:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11770893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuteandtwisted/pseuds/cuteandtwisted
Summary: “You’re after my heart, aren’t you?” said Even, leaning against the bar counter.“I thought we had already established that,” Isak smiled.Or Even is Isak's favorite bartender and there's some mutual pining involved.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [Wish You Were Mine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12111909) by [Htuiba](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Htuiba/pseuds/Htuiba)



> Happy belated birthday to my favorite song provider @wtfidekgtfo. I wanted to write this after I read your prompt. So here you go. <33
> 
> hope you enjoy bartender!Even and smitten!Isak <3

“Where’s your boyfriend today?” said Matias, holding a large ice bin over his shoulder.

“It’s too early,” said Even, grinning. “He’ll be here later. Right, Mags?”

“Why are you asking me?” Magnus groaned as he rearranged napkins, straws, and bar mats on the counter. “He’s _your_ boyfriend.”

“He’s also your roommate,” said Even, running a hand through his hair and getting ready for his shift.

“I don’t keep track of Isak’s schedule. That’s your job, Even.”

“No. My job is to make sure we don’t run out of clean glasses mid-shift,” said Even, now checking the dishwasher.

“Technically, that’s my job,” said Matias. “I’m the barback. You’re the bartender.”

“Details,” said Even, tucking a cigarette behind his ear and making his way behind Sigrid who was finishing her shift.

“Do you always have to put a cigarette behind your ear?” said Magnus beside him. “Is it an Isak thing?”

“Of course it’s an Isak thing,” Matias chuckled behind them. “Everything Even does is an Isak thing.”

Even turned around and brought his index finger to his own lips to gesture for Matias to be quiet. But he couldn’t hide the giant smile stretching on his lips. He almost felt like giggling.

He was going to see Isak tonight.

.

Even loved being a bartender. Smiling at people wasn’t too difficult when they were intoxicated and slurring their words. He also believed that people were generally nicer, kinder, and more genuine when they were under the influence, though he got proven wrong every once in a while.

Still, Even liked serving drinks and chatting with random people he was probably never going to see again. He liked opening the bar and talking to the lonely souls who had just gotten off work and needed to vent after a bad day. He liked entertaining groups of overexcited girls having bachelorette parties at the bar and forcing him into their insta stories and snapchats. And he liked holding conversations with that one soul who wouldn’t leave until he closed, that one soul who seemed like they just needed another human being’s company.

Even liked the humanness of his job even when it wasn’t human at all, even when fights broke and blood got spilled. Even enjoyed being a bartender.

.

His heart always dropped when Isak walked through the door. He couldn’t help it. He always felt nervous when he felt his presence around the room. He always felt both excited and nervous. He always watched him approach the bar in slow motion. He always had his very own song playing in his head whenever Isak walked in his direction.

“Hey handsome,” said Isak, leaning over the bar counter and smiling, looking like the sun, probably.

He was wearing ripped jeans that hugged his ankles and a black t-shirt, and he looked breathtaking. Even loved those jeans on him. His soft blonde curls framed his delicate face and Even was tempted to run his fingers through them. _Just once._

But he was working and the bar was getting busy. And while Magnus gladly offered to take over while he greeted Isak, he couldn’t leave him hanging for too long.

“Hey beautiful,” said Even, tilting his head to the side and smiling right back, both hands around his cocktail shaker.

“I don’t get a kiss?” Isak pouted.

“I don’t kiss on the job, baby. You know that,” Even winked.

“I can think of a few times when you broke that rule,” Isak laughed, both elbows on the counter, light dancing in his eyes.

“What can I say?” Even sighed. “I’m only human. Humans make mistakes, Isak.”

“Right. Like that one time you gave me fucking champagne,” Isak laughed.

“That wasn’t a mistake. You asked for champagne.”

“I would _never_ ask for champagne,” Isak scoffed. “Ever!”

“You were drunk so it’s okay if you don’t remember. But you totally asked for champagne,” Even smiled, putting his shaker down and scooting closer to Isak over the bar counter.

“I would never in a million years order champagne. How many times are we gonna have this conversation?” Isak rolled his eyes.

_I love it when you do that._

“Until you admit you ordered champagne,” said Even.

“Looks like we’re gonna have this conversation forever.”

“Forever has never sounded so sweet,” Even winked, and the blush that colored Isak’s cheeks drove him into a momentary frenzy.

_You’re so fucking cute._

“You okay there?” Even teased. He loved it. He loved it when Isak got flustered around him.

He rolled his eyes and Even expected nothing less.

“I’m alright. Just a bit distracted by the neon headband,” said Isak, referring to his latest accessory.

It was a neon themed night and bartenders usually had to adhere.

“You don’t like it?” said Even.

Isak kept one elbow on the counter then gestured for him to come closer with his other hand. Even obliged despite his heart beating unevenly in his chest whenever they got too close.

“Closer,” Isak breathed down his neck.

_Fuck me._

Even got closer until they were mere breaths away from each other, until he could almost hear Isak’s heartbeats.

“I fucking love it,” Isak whispered into his ear, his words sending shivers down his spine.  

It took Even a few seconds to realize that he was referring to the headband. And _alright._

Isak had game. Isak had plenty of game. He always made his head spin. He always made him want to pin him against the wall. He always made him want to take a break during work and drag him to the nearest bathroom stall. _This boy._

Isak wasn’t always this confident. In fact, Even remembered a time when he wasn’t. A time when he was just an awkward teenager who insisted on wearing snapbacks inside the club because he wanted to hide his face and who ended up standing by the bar because he didn’t know what else to do. Even remembered. _This boy._

Even wasn’t drinking. He didn’t drink on the job. But he still felt intoxicated with Isak’s cheek brushing against his skin. Even felt intoxicated. And when he pulled back a few centimeters, Isak’s lips were parted and his eyelids looked heavy. _God._

“Are you gonna start making out or what?” Magnus groaned out of nowhere, snapping both of them back to reality. “We have a job to do.”

_Right._

“Ugh,” Isak groaned, pulling back completely and allowing Even to finally breathe. “You know Mags. In another universe, I’m pretty sure you’re not a cockblocker like this.”

“Yeah well, in another universe, I’m probably dating Vilde,” said Magnus.

“As if she could ever want you,” Isak laughed.

Even laughed, too. He loved the banter. He loved watching Isak and Magnus bicker. He loved it.

“Bech Næsheim? Hello?” said Magnus.

“Fine,” Even sighed, taking a step back from the corner Isak always occupied. “Looks like I’m gonna have to get back to work.”

“And leave me all alone?” Isak pouted.

“I’m sure you’ll find some company soon,” Even smiled.

“I’m not so sure.”

“Why? How’s the water looking tonight?” said Even, grabbing his shaker and pouring the liquor over 4 shot glasses without breaking eye contact with Isak.

“Not too promising,” Isak sighed.

“Really? I saw a few promising gentlemen around. There’s a tall brunette looking particularly hot tonight on the dance floor.”

“Yeah, but they’re nowhere as hot as you,” Isak smirked and got off the bar stool. “That headband thing I’m telling you. Nice touch.”

“It’s the theme tonight,” Even shrugged.

“Looking hot as fuck is the theme?” said Isak, making Even laugh.

“You’re after my heart, aren’t you?” Even leaned back in over the counter.

“I thought we had already established that,” Isak smiled.

“I’m high maintenance. I need constant reminding.”

“Well, here’s your reminder of the day,” Isak got on his tiptoes then leaned across the counter to whisper in his ear again. “I’m after your heart, Bech Næsheim.”

Even smiled, ignoring the butterflies at the pit of his stomach and pushed Isak’s drink into his hand, still holding his gaze, still-

“Even!” Magnus groaned, making both of them take a step back. _Shit._

“Go,” Isak mouthed.

“Sorry.”

“I’ll go find myself some company.”

“I’ll be watching,” Even smiled.

“Creep,” Isak laughed.

“Someone’s gotta look out for you. Just saying.”

“Someone’s gotta kiss me if you won’t. Just saying,” Isak winked right before turning around and disappearing into the crowd with his beer.

_fuck._

.

Even was making mojitos when his heart sank that night. It was always different drinks and sometimes, it ruined the mixing process. So he made sure not to look up until he was done with the drinks. But then he did. And then it hurt.

Isak did find himself some company. The tall brunette to be more specific.

Even watched them chat in the middle of the dance floor before turning his attention back to this nice girl who used words such as ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ when ordering. He loved it when people did that.

When he found Isak in the crowd again, his body was pressed against the tall brunette’s who had one arm around his waist while his other hand grabbed one of his cheeks over his jeans. They were dancing. Or rather grinding. And so were Even’s teeth.

When he found them again, they were kissing. They were making out. And Even could see Isak’s tongue sliding in out of that guy’s mouth all the way from where he stood. He could see his fingers digging into his hair and pulling. _fuck._ Even was making mojitos and smiling at a girl and her boyfriend while slowly withering inside.  

“You okay?” said Magnus, a hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Even smiled. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Magnus looked at him for a second before sighing dramatically.  
“I don’t fucking get it.”

Even laughed then went back to serving people, sparing Isak and his beau of the night a few glances whenever he was done mixing.

.

“How was it? Was he a good kisser? He looked like a good kisser,” said Even, refilling Isak’s drink.

“Meh,” Isak shrugged, adjusting himself on the bar stool. “His nose is too big. It was awkward.”

“That’s not very nice, Isak,” Even couldn’t help but smile.

“What? It’s true. And he wouldn’t even tilt his head so his nose was just all over my face.”

“You could have tilted your head instead,” said Even.

“I would have if he did. But he seemed so adamant on keeping his face at that angle. It was very weird.”

“So you didn’t tilt your head in protest?” Even laughed.

“I don’t know. I don’t like compromising when others won’t. You have to maintain a stance,” said Isak, taking a sip from his beer.

“So stubborn,” Even laughed.

“Excuse me? You’re telling me you would just yield like that?”

“All I know is that I would tilt my head for you Isak Valtersen,” Even smiled then watched him squirm.

_I love it._

“Well, uh, obviously! I mean it’s me we’re talking about,” Isak replied nervously.

He was adorable.

“And I would probably tilt my head for you, too,” he added, a blush high up his cheeks.

Even didn’t realize how close they were until he noticed how bruised Isak’s lips were. They were almost swollen. That bastard must have bit them. _Asshole._

“What?” Isak mumbled.

“Uh, nothing,” Even leaned back. “You have some blood on your lips.”

“Blood?!” Isak shrieked.

“Not like actual blood. But your have like a bruise.”

“Where? What?” Isak brought his fingers to his lips and tapped them, probably to determine where it would hurt.

“Let me,” said Even, reaching out to guide his fingers to the corner of his mouth. “Here.”

.

They were incredibly close again. Only, this time Even had his thumb on Isak’s lips which kept parting wider and wider. And when they locked eyes, fire started spreading throughout his whole being. Blue locked on green. Green locked on blue. But Even could still see and feel Isak’s chest falling and rising to the rhythm of his own.

Even knew he should take a step back and keep his fingers as far away from Isak’s mouth as possible. But he couldn’t even breathe, let alone move.

Isak’s hand curled around Even’s while maintaining eye contact. He then waited. He stared into his eyes and waited patiently. Isak was always waiting. He was always waiting for Even to do something. But Even never did.

“I should get back to work,” said Even.

“Right.”

.

Isak was kissing the tall brunette in the middle of the dance floor again. This time only a few meters away from the bar. And Even wouldn’t have cared except that Isak’s head was tilted to the side now.

He had yielded and Even felt a little bit empty inside.

So he watched Isak pant against someone else's mouth. He watched him wrap his arms around someone else’s neck. He watched him grind down someone else’s leg.

Even let go of his shaker and spread his palms over the counter. Isak hooked up with guys all the time, but for some reason, Even couldn’t take it tonight. For some reason, it was more heated than usual. For some reason, he could picture Isak spread wide open for someone else. For some reason, he couldn’t breathe.

His hands had curled into fists just in time for Isak to open his eyes and meet his gaze, knocking all hints of air right out of his lungs. Even couldn’t look away. He wasn’t sure he wanted to. Not when Isak was staring into his soul while panting down someone else’s throat, while someone else marked him and bruised his lips.  

_I can’t fucking breathe._

Isak was waiting for a reaction. Even knew it. This was for him. The grinding and the dancing and the giggling. It was all for him. Isak couldn’t care less about the brunette with the big nose. Isak wasn’t tilting his head for him. He was tilting his head for Even.

So Even kept staring with his heart threatening to leap out of his chest, until the lust burning in Isak’s eyes turned into anger, into rage. Isak was waiting. Isak was always waiting. And Even wasn’t giving in. He was never giving in.

So when Isak broke eye contact and dragged the tall brunette by the hand towards the exit, Even had no one else to blame but himself.

.

“I don’t get it,” said Matias while wiping the counter. “What’s your deal with him?”

“With who?” said Even, knowing exactly who he was referring to.

“With your little boyfriend who keeps driving you crazy.”

“First of all, he’s not little. He’s taller than you. Second, he’s not my boyfriend. Third, he’s not driving me crazy,” said Even.

“Your priorities are certainly interesting,” Matias laughed.

“He’s not little. I’m telling you,” Even laughed as well. “He gets so angry when someone belittles him like that.”

“He does have quite the temper.”

“Nah. He’s the sweetest,” Even smiled to himself. Isak really was.

“Then why won’t you ask him out?”

“Huh?”

“Bro, you look at him like he hung the moon or something,” said Matias.

“That’s not true.”

“Right,” Matias rolled his eyes.

“Don’t you have some cleaning to do? We’re closing soon,” said Even teasingly.

“Whatever you say boss.”

.

Even made sure all the juices were back in the fridges and that he threw the excess fruit away. He busied himself with helping Matias clean until there was nothing left to do. He put both elbows on the counter and sighed.

Isak was probably in that guy’s bed right now. Magnus said that Isak never brought guys over so he probably went to his place instead. The tall brunette was probably bruising him somewhere else now.

 _Gosh._ Even couldn’t handle thinking about it.

“Why don’t you ask him out?” said Matias, his back leaning on the counter as he wiped some glasses clean.

He wasn’t going to give up. Even knew it.

“I rejected him once,” Even admitted.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“And now you changed your mind?” said Matias.

“Not really.”

“You don’t want him?”

“I do,” said Even. _I want him so fucking bad._

“Then what the fuck?”

“I just can’t have him,” Even shrugged, making his out way out from behind the bar.

“Huh? Why not?.”

“Cause guys like me can’t have guys like him.”

.

Even was the last one to leave as usual. He loved closing. He would have loved it less if he actually had to do the cleaning, but thankfully Matias was there for that. Even loved closing because the streets were always deserted by the time he left. Because the biting cold air always felt so good against his cheeks at three in the morning. Because he found comfort in walking in the middle of the street without having to worry about cars running him over.

Even loved closing. He loved the solitude. He loved giving his thoughts some space to be as loud as they could possibly get. He loved listening to _Cigarettes After Sex_ on his way home while smoking three to five cigarettes at four in the morning. Even loved his little routine. He really did.

It was just a hunch but Even doubted that sleep would come to him easily that night. All he could think about was Isak intertwined with the big nosed brunette. All he could think about was how he would be so good to him if he could have him. If he could somehow give in to him without ruining him.

Even knew that Isak didn’t need saving. He knew that he was his own person and that he wasn’t just a big fantasy.

Still, Isak deserved better. Isak’s lips deserved better. Isak’s nose deserved better.

Even sighed, then disentangled his headphones before stepping outside. It was as cold as he expected it to be. This was going to be a good walk home. It had to be.

.

Even had barely taken two steps when he noticed the one silhouette he only ever wanted to run into at three in the morning. Isak was leaning against the wall, feet crossed, and he looked cold, very very cold.

“Isak?”

“Finally!” Isak groaned, his voice shaking from the cold, probably.

“What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you,” said Isak, sniffling.

“You’re wearing a freaking t-shirt in October in the middle of the night!” Even frowned, immediately fishing for a jacket or a sweater inside his backpack.

“Didn’t bring a jacket,” Isak shrugged. “I typically don’t on a night out.”

Even got one of his sweaters out and prompted Isak to hold his arms up.

“You know, when I was getting ready tonight, I was kinda hoping you would undress me, not put extra layers on me,” Isak laughed.

Even wanted to frown a little longer but he ended up laughing, too.

“You’re a disaster,” he chuckled, helping him get an arm into the sweater.

“This is what you do to me,” Isak smiled.

He looked adorable in Even’s Winnie the Pooh sweater.

“Really?” said Isak, looking down at his chest.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Isak laughed.

“You don’t like my sweater?” Even scoffed.

“I fucking love your sweater,” said Isak, hugging himself and looking precious. Just precious.

Even had to take a few seconds to collect himself.

“What happened with Big Nose,” he said, making Isak laugh.

“What happened to it being mean?” said Isak.

“I decided that I don’t like him,” Even shrugged.

“You not liking someone?!” 

“Yeah well, he bruised your lips, so.”

They were walking now with no direction in particular. And it dawned on Even that this was the first time they had ever talked outside of the bar.

“You know, for someone who rejected me, you do seem to worry a lot about my lips,” said Isak in a very calm voice.

Even started wondering if he was drunk. He had served all of his drinks and they weren’t enough for Isak to get drunk. But then he had left with Big Nose hours before that.

“You’re not gonna say anything?” said Isak.

“I’m thinking,” said Even.

“About what?”

“You and Big Nose.”

Isak laughed again and it was the sweetest sound. Even had never heard him laugh without dozens of other people around them. It was the sweetest sound.

“Yeah. Wasn’t my type after all,” said Isak.

“What’s your type?”

“You know what my type is.”

_Right._

“Why did you wait for me?” said Even, both hands in his pockets. “Any reason in particular?”

“No. Just wanted to hang out with my favorite bartender,” said Isak.

“Magnus will get upset,” said Even.

“Oh please! Magnus can’t bartend for shit. All the drinks he makes taste like piss.”

“Isak, you only ever drink beer.”

“Still.”

“Right,” Even laughed.

.

Even knew where Magnus lived, so he just walked him there.

“So. This is me,” said Isak, looking a bit sheepish, his nose red from the cold.

“This is you,” Even smiled.

“Thanks for walking me.”

“Thanks for waiting for me,” said Even.

They were the only two people in that street. And Even felt as if they were the only two people in the universe.

Isak’s eyes were green and full of hope. And Even knew that look. Even loved that look. Still, he couldn’t do that to him. He had already made up his mind. He just had to stick to it.

And Isak made it hard. He made it so hard looking like _that,_ and looking at him like _that._

Even was lost. Even’s head was spinning.

“I’ll see you next time,” he mumbled, holding out a hand to wave goodbye sheepishly.

He was going to turn around when Isak replied with ‘yes’ and sprint home without looking back. That was the plan.

But Isak didn’t reply with 'yes'. He grabbed his hand instead and spoke so softly that it probably left marks on Even’s heart.

“Stay?” Isak whispered with big eyes and big eyelashes, fingers curled around Even’s.

“Isak-”

“Just tonight. Just for the night? Please?”

Even had had several similar dreams before and they all had happy endings. But this one. This one couldn’t have one.

_I’m just going to hurt you and you will hate me._

.

“Maybe some other night,” Even smiled, ruffling Isak’s hair. Isak who wouldn’t look at him.

.

Even watched him walk into his building with a heavy heart and a tired soul. He waited until the door closed before turning around and putting on his earphones and _Cigarettes After Sex._

Isak probably thought that Even didn’t want him. Even who wanted and wanted and wanted him.

But guys like him couldn’t have guys like Isak. Guys like him couldn’t have something that beautiful and precious without ruining it and smothering it. Guys like him couldn’t have nice things.

.

**Now Playing: Cigarettes After Sex - Sweet**

_I will gladly break my heart for you_

_._

_Maybe one day you will be mine._

 


	2. happiness in liquid form

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Even is Isak's bartender the night he left home at age 16.  
> aka Isak meets Even instead of Eskild.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: changed rating to mature and it changed the publication date as well. Sorry!!!
> 
> hola. the little sad oneshot somehow turned into a verse in my head after reading all your comments (fdkjfdjk). i wrote this while waiting for my plane so forgive mistakes and incoherent things <3 fake dating coming soon
> 
> here's part 2. Isak's POV.

When asked about how he met Even, Isak replied that he didn’t remember much. And when met with mockery and _‘yeah right’_ s, he replied that it was at a bar and that people weren’t typically held accountable for memories made inside bars.

The truth was that Isak remembered some of it. Probably most of it. He remembered most of it. His very first impression of Even was that he was kind. Too kind. Especially for a bartender. His second impression was that he was hot. Too hot. Especially for a boy.

Isak shouldn’t have been feeling such things for a boy. Yet he wanted to touch his skin. He wanted to feel his tongue against his own. He wanted to feel his fingers where no one had ever ventured before.

And while Isak’s heart might have already been completely shattered the night they met, he still felt things. He still got moved by his kindness. He still got moved by the harsh sensation of his palm against his own skin. He still got moved by that smile and those blue eyes that carried an empty and strange promise in the way they shined that Isak was aching to believe. ‘I care about you. I care about you.’

_You don’t even know me._

Isak fell in love at age sixteen with a bartender with a heart of gold and never looked back.

.

Isak was still dealing with the aftermath of his father leaving and never looking back. He wasn’t a child. It shouldn’t have affected him this much. He understood that things weren’t working out between his parents. That his mother was a little too much all of the time.

But Isak couldn’t help but selfishly think that his father would stay. Even if he wasn’t a child. His father would stay. His father wouldn’t cut him off like a loose limb. Because Isak wasn’t a loose limb. He wasn’t a liability. He did everything to be good. And Isak was so good. He focused on school and he got 6s and he worked hard and he helped him take care of her. His father had to stay.

He didn’t.

Isak was not dealing with it. He resented him and he hated her. But mostly, he hated himself.

He couldn’t bear remaining in the confines of the very house he had once considered home. He couldn’t bear hearing one more scream, one more sob, one more nonsensical rant about religious talk that seemed so far removed from reality when Isak sat at the edge of the chair next to hers and nodded while she moved her hands up and down, up and down. His eyes and his heart following the motion. Up and down, up and down. Until it broke.

Isak’s skin was crawling. He didn’t want to be there. Anywhere promised better horizons. Anywhere.

_Anywhere but here._

Isak had a little bit too much to drink. His father may have left but his liquor remained in the house, safely stored in the cabinets Isak used to skillfully break into with Jonas on nights in which they felt brazen and invincible. On nights in which Isak thought he might finally reach out and touch the skin he so desperately craved but that always remained the hover of a fingertip away. They would take sips of whatever smelled the strongest while making sure the difference in volume wasn’t visible to the naked eye. ‘No, that one reaches the writing on the label. He might notice that it went down,” Isak would tell Jonas. He didn’t want his father to notice. He was being a good boy after all.

And Jonas was there, constantly there, ever since they sat them together when they were still children and Isak’s biggest concern was getting home on time before the food lay cold on the table.

Jonas knew he was going through a lot. His eyes were very telling. Always had been. Isak had learned to associate meaning to every blink, every movement, every contraction in his pupils. Isak loved Jonas’ eyes. But right now he didn’t. He didn’t want his pity. He didn’t want his worry. What Isak craved, he couldn’t have.

.

Isak had a little bit too much to drink. He was at a bar now. A gay bar. Maybe. He couldn’t tell. He had googled it before leaving the house. He had googled it long before that, actually, because he wondered. He constantly wondered where people who felt what he felt spent their time and pretended that it didn’t eat at their insides. He wanted to ask them how they did it. He wanted to know how they could be so free and open with those feelings when he couldn’t bear the skin on his bones, the reflection in the mirror, staring back at him with big round eyes and cutting words. _I hate you, too._

Isak’s legs might have taken him there but it was actually his heart that led the way. He might have been a fool with little to no self-esteem, but he always listened to his heart after a few drinks. Always his heart. It was all he had.

Isak had no recollection of how he was allowed inside. Surely, he didn’t look eighteen, let alone twenty. He wasn’t sure how he made it to the bar but he remembered talking to a few strangers on his way there. Some called him pretty, and he replied with ‘thank you’ because he was raised well. _I’m not pretty._

He was talking to someone now. Someone kind and warm who asked him if his parents knew where he was.

_I got caught._ Isak thought.

But Exil, or Esklid, or something, wasn’t patronizing. He didn’t push him. He asked him about his age and made it sound like casual chatter. He asked him if he wanted him to call him a cab to take him home. But Isak wasn’t budging.

Exil was still trying to pry information out of him when someone interrupted them.

“I think you’ve had enough,” said a voice that sent jolts through his spine, deep and warm and strong. Isak wanted to bask in that voice. _Lull me to sleep._ “I think you’ve had enough.”

“I think I have,” Isak replied, surprised that the owner of this voice had mind-reading capabilities and was able to guess just how tired he was.

Or perhaps he was referring to the drinks. Isak couldn’t really tell, but he still curled his fingers around the glass before him and squeezed. _Mine._

The man was definitely referring to the drinks. He was a bartender. He was standing on the other side of the bar and Isak was on a stool in front of him.

Isak couldn’t tell when his fingers had stopped touching the glass, but it wasn’t in his hands anymore. The bartender had snatched it away, and it hurt. Isak felt so offended, so vexed. He couldn’t believe it. It felt as though this stranger had cut him. So Isak reached out across the bar counter, curled his fingers around the man’s hand, and all but dug his nails into his flesh.

“Give it back,” Isak mumbled, slightly aware that he might fall off the stool any second now.

_This must hurt,_ Isak thought, feeling his nails sink deeper into flesh, just flesh.

But he couldn’t afford to care. For some reason, that glass became the most important matter in the world. That glass embodied the little bit of pride he had left. The little bit of strength and dignity he had left. It was his glass. He didn’t remember how he got it, but it was his. And Isak was beyond tired of having what was rightfully his being taken away from him. He wasn’t letting go. He wasn’t going to lose to a bartender with perfect hair. Even if he looked like _that._

Isak stopped to look at him, to take him in, for a moment or two, still digging his nails into his skin. It was as if fog had been lifted and he could finally absorb his surroundings. The bartender was beautiful. He was gorgeous, even. Isak was under the influence but he always trusted his brain to discern beauty even when it couldn’t coordinate his steps.

The bartender kept his hand curled around the drink, surprisingly calm, surprisingly composed, his soft gaze on Isak, not giving up either. He was probably hurting. Isak’s own nails were hurting from applying so much pressure on such soft skin. He could feel bones underneath. _I’m sorry_ . Isak thought dumbly. But he wasn’t giving up. _I won’t let go. This is all I have left._

But then the stranger’s other hand came up to find his face, his thumb gently caressing his cheek, and Isak nearly fell of the stool, if it weren’t for Exil or Esklid holding him there. Exil. Isak had forgotten about him.

Isak had surrendered. The bartender’s touch was so tender that he almost felt violated. He wondered how someone whose one hand was being battered could perform such a tender act with his other one. It was the softest touch. It was filled with the utmost care. No one had ever touched him like that. Not even his mother.

Isak let go. Of course he did. And the bartender smiled and brushed his thumb over his cheekbone again. _Soft._

The hand Isak was holding was severed. It was red. Was there blood? Isak couldn’t tell. He was sorry.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

He meant it. He just wanted to hold on. He just wanted to keep fighting.

“It’s okay,” the bartender smiled again.

Isak’s heart jolted inside his chest and it made him want to smile. _You still feel things down there?_

“Really?” said Exil, whose existence Isak had forgotten again. “You touch your customers now?”

Isak couldn’t see his face because his eyes were stuck on the bartender’s face, but he could still feel an eyeroll there.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures.” The bartender winked.

_Wink at me, too. Please._

“Look at your hand. You need to do something about it if you don’t want to end up with ugly scars,” said Exil. “It’s a beautiful hand. Would be a waste.”

“Eskild. I appreciate the concern but I’ll be fine. Also, I got him. You can go.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

Isak followed his every movement. He was mesmerized. He couldn’t tell when Eskild left. He was too busy watching the slender bartender grab a long glass and fill it with water.

“Here,” he said, pushing the glass of water to Isak’s hand. “Drink this.”

“It’s water,” Isak observed dumbly.

“It is,” the bartender smiled, tilting his head to the side, both elbows on the counter.

“You could have said it was Vodka.”

“Not interested in lying to you,” said the blonde boy. He was a boy. He was young, too. “You’re not a child.”

“I’m not a child,” Isak repeated.

No one had ever said that to him. No one treated him like someone capable of making his own decisions. He suddenly remembered how his father tiptoed around him before telling him he was leaving, and how he felt like a child when he finally told him. He told him the way a parent would tell their eight year old child. It almost seemed as if he googled it and recited the words in the first page that came up.

“How old are you?” said the bartender.

“Why?” Isak replied.

“Because I don’t think you should be here.”

“There’s nowhere else for me to be,” said Isak.

“Where are your parents?”

“I know right? Where are they?” Isak laughed. But it wasn’t a laugh.

“Are you okay?” the bartender asked, making his heart jolt.

No one ever asked Isak if he was okay. At least, never with the sincerity in this perfect stranger’s voice. This stranger who didn’t owe him a thing.

Isak suddenly grew worried. Was he physically hurt? Was he perhaps bleeding? Why would a stranger ask him if he was okay if he was visibly fine?

Isak removed his snapback and ran a hand over his forehead then his hair. Just checking if it might hurt somewhere. It didn’t. It hurt everywhere. _Gosh,_ everything hurt.

“Are you alright?” he asked again, making his chest falter this time.

“No,” Isak admitted.

There was no point in lying. He didn’t want to lie. He had always craved to have someone to bare his soul to. A bartender could do.

“I feel empty,” said Isak.

“I feel that way, too.”

Isak looked up and got lost in the shallow of his eyes. Blue. Blue. So blue. Gaze probing visual caress. Comforting. Soft. There.

“What’s your name?” Isak asked with a blush high up his cheeks.

“What do you want my name to be?”

“I want it to be your name,” said Isak. “Why?”

“My job is to be who you want me to be,” said the bartender.

“I thought your job was to make and sell drinks.”

“They lied to you. My job is to make and sell momentary happiness in liquid form.”

“I’m not happy,” Isak shrugged.

“You could be.”

“Make me?”

“Only you can make yourself happy.”

“You played me,” Isak sighed, wondering if this was a real conversation or if it was taking place in his head.

“My name is Even,” said the bartender, leaning forward but still keeping his distance. “For you, I’ll be Even.”

“My name is Pablo,” said Isak, making Even laugh wholeheartedly and sending shivers down his spine.

“That’s not true,” Even smiled.

“Why wouldn’t it be true?” said Isak. “Are you racist?”

“Is your last name Escobar by any chance?” Even asked a question instead.

“Yes.”

Even laughed again, his eyes crinkling, as did Isak’s heart.

“I like it,” said Even. “I lied, by the way. My name is Vivian.”

“I like it better than Even,” said Isak.

Vivian laughed and pushed the glass of water into his hands again.

“Drink.”

“Okay.”

Vivian watched him drink his water, and Isak was so happy with his pleased expression that he felt like pleasing him even further and finishing the glass of water right then and there.

But Vivian reached out and stopped him.

“Breathe,” he said. “Take a break.”

“Why?”

“Don’t want you to get overwhelmed down there and vomit everything.”

“I don’t vomit,” said Isak, offended for god knows what reason.

“Just take your time,” said Vivian. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?” Isak mumbled sheepishly then watched Vivian’s face apart.

“I promise.”

.

“Let’s call your parents,” said Vivian after Isak had finished his second glass of water.

“No please,” he begged with wide eyes.

“I don’t want someone here to call the cops on you.”

“Please. Please! You don’t understand. I can’t go back there. Please!” Isak pleaded, holding onto Vivian’s non-severed hand.

“Uh. Do they- do they hurt you?” he asked hesitantly.

“All the time,” Isak breathed. “All the time.”

“Shit,” Vivian muttered. “Do you, uh. Have you told anyone? Do you want me to call the police?”

“What?” Isak furrowed his brows. He didn’t understand. “Why would you call the police because they got divorced?”

“Oh, oh!” Vivian let out a deep breath. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“Why?”

“No reason,” Vivian smiled. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay.”

Vivian went to serve other customers and Isak was growing a little bit jealous. That type of attention. No one had ever given Isak that much attention. No one cared if he drank water after drinking all the liquor in his father’s cabinet.

“Vivian!” Isak called, probably shouted. He wanted to be heard over the music.

He didn’t turn around so he called again until he did, his smile blinding. He handed a few bills to someone then walked towards Isak with a grin on his face.

“Why are you grinning?” said Isak.

“Because you called me Vivian.”

“That’s your name.”

“No. My name is Even,” Even laughed.

“But,” Isak paused and held his head. He was confused. “I’m confused.”  

“I’m sorry for confusing you,” said Even.

“It’s okay,” said Isak. “It’s alright.”

“Feeling better?” said Even, both elbows on the counter.

“No.”

“What can I do?”

“Touch me?” said Isak. “Like you did earlier? Please?”

Even’s eyes had widened. Isak wasn’t sharp enough to discern most things, but that he saw.

“Just my face,” said Isak. “Please.”

“How old are you?” said Even. “Give and take.”

“Not fair,” Isak pouted.

“Nothing is fair in this world,” said Even, his gaze heavy on Isak’s face. He felt every movement on his skin.

“I’m sixteen. I’ll be seventeen in a few months.”

“What’s your name?”

“You’ll call the cops,” said Isak.

“I promise you I won’t.”

“What’s a promise in today’s world?”

“I never break a promise,” said Even.

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

_Absurd. This is so absurd._

“My name is Isak. Isak Valtersen. I go to Nissen and my dad just left me and my mom. I’m sad as fuck but I can’t tell anyone. My mother threw a glass at me today. But she didn’t mean it. I just don’t want to sleep there tonight. I’m very tired and I don’t want to be there.”

Isak was breathing hard, so hard. And he couldn’t tell that tears had welled up in his eyes until the first one rolled down his cheek.

The touch he craved was now wiping his tears, silently, with no judgement.

“I’m sorry,” said Even, his right hand which Isak had hurt before, caressing his cheek as requested.

“Thank you,” Isak mumbled, bringing both hands to cup Even’s and keep it there on his face.

They stayed like that for a few minutes. Even’s hand on his cheek and Isak’s on his hand.

“You’re not doing your job,” said Isak, nuzzling against his hand like a touch-starved kitten.

“I am,” said Even,  

“I’m your job?”

“Tonight, you are.”

Isak didn’t know what to respond to that. Was he flirting with him? What did that mean? Isak’s mind was spiraling.

_Will he take me home? Will he give me what I want? Will he hurt me where no one has ever hurt me? Will he touch me like I want to be touched?_

Isak stared at Even and waited for his next words. He waited but they never came. He then realized that Even was the last one to speak. That he was probably waiting for Isak’s words.

_How do I tell him that I want him to take me home and use me?_

“Are you gay?” Isak blurted out, then to his horror, watched Even’s face go from confusion to amusement.

“Why does it matter?” said Even.

“It matters to me,” said Isak. “Are you?”

Even titled his head to the side before answering.

“No, I’m not.”

.

Isak removed his hands and sat back up abruptly, nearly falling off his stool. It hurt a bit but his infatuation hadn’t run deep enough to cause him too much heartache.

_Think about Jonas or something._

It was alright. A stranger was nice to him all night and showered him with affection and care. It was more than he had ever received. It was alright. Isak didn’t even identify as gay himself. He didn’t know a thing. He didn’t want to know. Or perhaps he did, but he wasn’t ready. Not tonight.

“Where will you sleep tonight?” said Even, now cleaning a glass.

_Next to you. With you. Under you. Inside you. You inside me. I hoped._

“I don’t know,” said Isak.

“Do you want to call a friend or something?”

“No,” Isak shook his head. “They can’t see me like this. They can’t find me here.”

It took him a few moments to realize what he had said. _I’m ashamed of who I am._ And it was true. He was. Even looked at him with something bordering pity in his eyes. And it burned. But it was alright. It was a comforting burn. It was a ‘You’re not alone’ burn.

Isak wanted Even to ask him to come to his place. But there was an unspoken truth out there already. A thick and unspoken truth hovering in the air above them.

_Ask me. I promise I won’t make it weird. I promise I won’t slip into your bed while you’re sleeping and beg you to touch me. I promise._

But Even didn’t ask. He told him they had a room at the back of the bar by the management office where he often spent nights himself.

“But you’d have to leave early in the morning before anyone comes back,” said Even.

“Okay,” said Isak, his heart suddenly full again.

.

The tiny room had a mattress and a pillow and no windows. It was perfect. Even gave him a blanket and watched him curl into it. Isak closed his eyes and breathed through his nose. The world was still spinning despite all the water and deluded alcohol in his blood. His heart was still hurting but he somehow felt safer in this tiny closet than he did in his room. _Tiny closet. How fitting._

“I’ll be around,” said Even, hovering by the door.

“You’re not going home?”

“No.”

“You won’t sleep?”

“I don’t sleep,” said Even.

“Why not?”

“Cause sleep is the cousin of death.”

“That’s dark,” said Isak, feeling awkward talking to a standing Even while he buried himself under the covers.

“I’ll be here if you need me. Just call my name,” said Even.

“Okay.”

“Goodnight.”

.

Isak didn’t call his name because he slept the entire time. He felt safe. He felt alright. And it wasn’t until he woke up and realized that there was no search party for him, that nobody realized that he was gone all night, that he felt a little bit bad again.

_Nobody cares about me._

He took a few moments to collect himself, to reorganize his thoughts and memories, to replay every word he had said the previous night. _Even._ Was he even real? Was he as beautiful as Isak thought he was when alcohol was dancing in his veins?

.

He was.

“Morning,” said Even, looking like the actual sun and holding a cup of coffee.

The bar was drenched in sunlight and it felt like like a completely different place. Isak’s head was split in half and he wanted to throw up but his biggest concern was the blush on his face.

“Hello. I’m very sorry about last night,” he mumbled.

“It’s okay,” said Even. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes,” said Isak.

“Want some breakfast?”

“My stomach hurts,” Isak admitted.

“Yeah, a heavy night of drinking will do that to you,” said Even.

“Yeah.”

“Come sit,” said Even, gesturing to the table he was occupying.

Isak had made sure to clean the room where he had slept and to fold the covers. He didn’t want to leave any trace in the space. But he found himself wishing he could leave a trace with Even himself. He was never going to see him again. Probably. Isak was going to avoid this bar at all costs. Still, he wanted to leave a little bit of himself with Even, the same way Even had touched him.

“What are you thinking about?” said Even.

“I don’t know where to go,” said Isak.

“Home?”

“I don’t know where that is anymore,” said Isak.

“Call a friend?”

“I’m thinking about it,” said Isak.

“Pick a friend who won’t make a big deal out of it. A friend who laughs all the time and who says weird things that make you want to smack them and hug them at the same time,” said Even.

“Magnus,” said Isak.

“Hm?”

“I have a friend like that.”

“Your best shot,” said Even. “Trust me. Friends who really care can become irritating because they’ll always ask you how you are and if you need to talk. They won’t give you time to process stuff.”

“I guess,” Isak shrugged.

_Why does it sound like he’s speaking from experience._

“Sorry for ruining your night,” said Isak.

“What are you talking about?” Even frowned after putting his coffee mug on the table.

“I get very clingy when I’m drunk. Sorry.”

“You weren’t that clingy,” Even laughed.

“I left bruises on your right hand,” said Isak.

“You did. I’ll make sure to treasure them.”

_Sweet talker. Sweet sweet talker._

“I’m gonna go now,” said Isak. “Thank you for your hospitality.”

“The pleasure was all mine,” Even smiled.

“How old are you by the way?”

“Nineteen,” said Even.

“Can you be a bartender at nineteen?”

“I guess you can.”

“I don’t think I could do it,” said Isak.

“Why not?”

“I would drink myself to death.”

Even laughed and Isak wanted to join him but his soul was too worn out.

“Please don’t drink yourself to death,” said Even.

“Why not?”

“I would be sad if you died.”

Isak blushed. He couldn’t help it. Any amount of affection or sweet talk reduced him to a blabbering mess. _Am I this affection starved?_

“I won’t die then,” said Isak.

“Thank you,” said Even.

Isak watched him eat eggs and drink coffee and eventually joined in with his own fork that Even had deliberately left there, probably.

“Good?” he asked.

“Very good,” said Isak.

They talked about the weather and about the latest blockbuster movies, and Isak realized he wouldn’t mind the friendship.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” said Isak, not really sure why he asked.

“Yes,” said Even.

_Shit._

“I would love to meet her,” said Isak, not completely sure where this nonsense was coming from. “I’m sure she’s gorgeous.”

“It’s not working very well between us at the moment,” said Even without looking up from his food. “We’re probably breaking up.”

“Really?”

“Really,” said Even.

Isak couldn’t hide his grin. It was ridiculous but it still made him happy. It still made him beyond happy even if he couldn’t have him. He couldn’t stand the idea of someone else having him. He felt like those fangirls who obsess over a celebrity and attack their significant others as if they were going to have them one day. _Lost cause. Lost cause._

Isak finished his food and hopped off the tall chair armed with the little speech he had rehearsed in his head. _Thank you. Let’s never do this again. I will probably touch myself while thinking of you for a few years. Hope you don’t mind. Bye._

But Even picked up a flower from one of the tables and tucked it behind his ear, making his eyes go wide and his heart beat fast. So fast.

“You’re pretty like this,” said Even, a soft smile on his lips.

_Not fair._

“I think I’m gay,” Isak blurted out. Heart in his throat. Cuts all wide open. Green on blue. Blue on green.

“I think it’s great,” said Even, brushing hair off his forehead and adjusting the flower behind his ear.

“I’ve never kissed a boy,” said Isak.

It was as if his soul was baring itself by itself. He no longer had control over what he said. He no longer cared.

“Do you want to?” said Even.

“Desperately.”

_I don’t care anymore._

“Do you want me to kiss you?”

“Yes.”

“Right here at nine in the morning after eating eggs?” said Even. “Don’t want your first kiss to be a disappointment-”

Isak kissed him first. He got on his tiptoes and gave him a peck on the lips. His arms hanging still by his sides. He opened his eyes and couldn’t recall what happened. Couldn’t recall the feeling. It was as if he had blacked out. He thought he would be able to write sonnets about the texture of his lips. He didn’t remember a thing instead.

Even looked at him with curious eyes, almost amused, and Isak felt humiliated. Even probably hadn’t meant it. Isak had gotten ahead of himself. He needed to flee. He was about to when Even’s hand found his waist.

“That’s not how you kiss a boy,” he breathed before bringing his other hand to Isak’s face and  pressing their lips together.

Hot and heavy and wet. Isak felt wide open. He felt exposed. He felt loose and naked. He tilted his head upwards and nearly moaned at the feeling of Even’s fingers, the same ones Isak had bruised, riding up his shirt and digging into his flesh, shamelessly.

“Open up,” Even mumbled mid-kiss and it took Isak a little while to realize he was referring to his lips.

Embarrassed yet intoxicated, Isak obliged. He parted his lips until he felt Even’s tongue there, licking into his mouth. _What a wonderful way to die._

Isak did his best to meet him halfway. Fully aware of how awkward the entire situation was. He had never been kissed like this, by someone who was almost a head taller. He usually looked down. He usually did the kissing and the tongue work. The angle was awkward but Isak didn’t mind. He could get used to it. He could get used to this.

Even stopped kissing him when he felt him getting hard in his jeans, probably. But he did so gently, very gently. He pecked him a few times, then kissed the corner of his mouth, then his cheek, before pulling back completely.

Isak couldn’t tell when he had wrapped his arms around Even’s neck, but here they were. It was his turn to let go now. And he didn’t want to. The moment he let go, it would be over. Even would go back to his girlfriend with whom things supposedly weren’t going too well, and Isak would be back to being all alone.

“Satisfied with your first kiss?” said Even the moment there was space between them again, smiling.

“Yes.”

“How satisfied?”

“10/10 would recommend,” said Isak, still breathing hard through his nose.

“Would you do it again?”

“I would do it again,” said Isak.

“Good.”

“Good?”

“I wouldn’t want to deter you from kissing boys,” said Even. “You’re very good at it, too.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Isak was happy. It was ridiculous but he was.

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to kiss boys,” said Even, his gaze lingering and comforting. “There’s nothing wrong with you and I’m sure your friends won’t mind finding you here. I’m sure everybody will love you just the same.”

“My mother will probably disown me,” said Isak.

“No she won’t. Why would she?”

“She’s very religious.”

“Doesn’t mean she won’t accept you for who you are. I’m sure she’ll love you just the same,” said Even.

“How can you be so sure?” said Isak.

“It would take more than God to come between you and someone who loves you.”

.

Isak left the bar with his heart beating hard in his chest. He threw his arms up in the air and closed his eyes, remembering how it felt to be held like he wanted to be held.

He was walking in his clothes from the previous night, and they called it the walk of shame. Except that Isak didn’t feel shame. He felt bliss. Nothing but bliss. Still reeling from Even’s wet tongue inside his mouth.

_He really does sell happiness in liquid form._

.

When people asked Isak how he met Even, he said that he didn’t remember. But he did. He remembered everything, every painful detail. And sometimes when he closed his eyes, he thought he could feel his nails digging into Even’s flesh while they fought over a glass of bourbon.

Isak went back to that same bar a week later. Nervous now that he wasn’t drunk and hoping they would let him in again. They did and he was only happy for a few minutes before realizing that Even wasn’t there.

He kept going back until he realized that it wasn’t Even’s night off. Even simply didn’t work there anymore. On his fourth time, he asked a bartender and they told him that he got fired. Isak frowned and frowned. _Why._

The chatty replacement said that she heard he ‘fucked a minor in the room by the management office one night after closing and that he let him stay the night’.

Isak frowned and his heart hurt. So many falses in that statement.

  1. _I’m not a minor._
  2. _I wish he fucked me._



Isak went back to Magnus’ place where he now lived semi-permanently and nursed a broken heart for a few weeks. He never heard from Even again. And it was alright. Even was that manic pixie girl in the movies that helped the hero realize who he truly was and who made him into a better person. There was no better way to describe him. He was too perfect to be real. And sometimes Isak wondered if he was merely the figment of his imagination. He almost convinced himself that it was the case.

But then he got invited to one of Noora’s parties once, and ran into the one and only Eskild. Eskild who dragged him by the arm to talk to him and ask about him.

“I’m alright,” said Isak.

“Do people, uh, did you tell-”

“Yes, people know I’m gay,” Isak smiled.

“Oh, okay. Good,” Eskild smiled then hugged him. “Welcome to the family.”

Isak felt like resisting but he wrapped his arms around Eskild right back. The sense of belonging. The sense of community. The sense of family. Isak wouldn’t deny it for the world.

.

Isak never thought he would run into Even again until he did at another bar two years later. The very same bar Magnus was going to start working at in a few days.

Even was still as dreamy and gorgeous as ever. And Isak, well, Isak was as smitten as he had been at age sixteen.

“I heard I got you fired,” said Isak, feeling nervous and scared that he might not recognize him, but still going for flirty banter.

“You have no idea how long I’ve dreamed of this moment,” said Even, leaning over the counter, his eyes sparkling.

“Do you remember my name?”

“Pablo Escobar, right?” said Even, the question mark punctuated with a wink.

“The one and only.”

“You look older,” said Even, throwing a towel over his shoulder. His shoulder. Isak wanted to bite it.

“How dare you?” Isak scoffed.

“No, I mean I could do things to you without feeling bad now.”

Isak blushed. He was nearly nineteen and he hadn’t blushed in years. _Gosh._

_How I wish you would do things to me._

“Are you gonna get me a drink or am I gonna have to beg?” said Isak.

They flirted shamelessly all night. It had been going so well. So well. Isak’s mouth was watering. His senses were tingling. His jeans and clothes felt foreign on his skin. _It’s happening._ He started thinking about Magnus’ whereabouts. Perhaps he could text him that he was bringing someone home. Perhaps. Magnus would get too drunk at this party he was at and forget his way home. Perhaps. Isak was willing to take his chances. He thought about the condoms and the necessities that Eskild had gotten him for his birthday and tried to remember where he put them.

_It’s happening._

It didn’t happen. Even let him down gently, and Isak wondered if it was something he said or something he did. He couldn’t tell. Perhaps Even flirted with everyone equally. Perhaps it really was his job.

Isak felt embarrassed and ashamed. He had done his best. He flirted shamelessly and did his best. Perhaps the Trump joke scared him off. Perhaps it was the fact that his mother was crazy and thought they were related. Isak wasn’t sure what he said that made Even so politely lean back from the counter and go back to work. But it stung all the same.

_The second time I blow this. Great._

.

Isak left the bar with a bittersweet feeling. He was going to see Even again. Magnus was going to work there now. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it. Being rejected wasn’t fun, and he still had a problem between his legs from all the shameless flirting.

Still, Isak shrugged.

_I want what I want._

He hadn’t missed how Even’s eyes followed his every movement, how he licked his lips whenever Isak licked his, how his hands hovered over Isak’s skin.

_You crave me, too. You crave me like I crave you._

Even wanted him, too. He was sure of it. But for some reason, he was holding back.

_Wish you were mine,_ Isak thought on his walk back home.

_One day, you will be mine,_ Isak thought when he woke up the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this. I wanted to go back and give some context as to why Isak is so smitten and how they came to know one another. and of course why Even would kind of stop whatever they had before it even started.  
> Chapter 2 is kind of a companion to chapter 1 in the sense that we haven't moved forward in plot yet. but expect some Fake Dating because we don't have enough of that.  
> tusen takk for all your support. i'm in morocco for the next 10 days. forgive me if i'm MIA <33


	3. I am yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Wish you were mine."  
> "I am yours."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This verse was always meant as a oneshot but I'm super glad I decided to extend it.  
> Enjoy Bartender!Even and Sweet Sweet Sweet!Isak and Birthdays and love love love <3<3

“Champagne?” Even repeated, his signature ‘friendly bartender’ smile curling his lips, feeling a bit nervous, a bit guilty.

He was nervous because it was Isak on the bar stool in front of him and because he was blabbering about champagne, looking adorable and drunk, very drunk.

Even named it ‘the Isak stool’ because he was always either on it or waiting to occupy it. Only giving it up to go find some unworthy douche’s skin to press his lips against while Even watched.

It was ‘the Isak stool’. And while Even kept the name to himself at first, he later on decided to share it with Isak because he suspected it would make him happy.

And it did. Isak was so happy.

_“The Isak stool,” he had repeated, the blush that colored his cheeks sending Even into a frenzy. “My stool.”_

_“Your stool.”_

Even marveled at how the smallest things made Isak’s face break into the most beautiful smile. Pleasing him was so easy. Making him happy was so easy. All it took was Even tucking a flower behind his ear, Even making his drink before he even reached the counter, Even telling him he looked hot in his snapback, or Even telling him he’d look after him if he got too drunk. It was all it took.

And Even knew it wasn’t fair. He had rejected him after all. And it hurt because Even really felt his heart jolt inside his chest when he saw Isak for the first time after two years. But Isak’s mother had made his life a living hell and he didn’t need mentally ill people in his life. And Even agreed. He probably didn’t.

_Boys like me can’t have boys like you._

Still, sometimes Even couldn’t sleep because he wondered if making that decision for him was fair. It probably wasn’t.

_Anyways._

Here they were.

Isak still showed up on the weekends and sometimes on Thursday nights because he didn’t have class until 14:00 on Fridays. Yes, Even knew his schedule because Isak shared it with him over Belgian beer while he pretended to not be paying attention. Even always paid attention to everything Isak said. To every little detail. He always did. He just pretended not to because didn’t want to lead him on.

Isak still showed up and made him want to either combust or reach out over the counter and kiss him breathless the way he had done so many times in his dreams. And Even wondered how he did it. How he kept coming back. Why he kept coming back. What he saw in Even in the first place. Why he wanted him so bad.

The truth was that the first time Isak came back to his bar, Even couldn’t believe it because he had let him down so brutally. And Isak looked uncomfortable too, as if he had regretted his decision to show up as soon as he stepped in.

Even had felt so guilty that he did his best to be a little bit silly. Magnus was his new co-worker after all and Isak was his roommate. They could make this work, surely.

Awkward conversations eventually turned into friendly ‘heys’, then somehow morphed into shameless flirting all over again, with Isak reminding him every once in a while that he had rejected him but that he didn’t mind.

.

“What is this?” Isak asked, pointing to his glass of champagne. His curls all kinds of soft and shiny.  _Can I touch?_

“This is champagne,” said Even, elbows on the counter, lips curled into a smile.

“Why would you give me champagne?” Isak grimaced.

“You asked for it,” said Even.

“No, I didn’t,” Isak groaned, slapping a hand against his own thigh. “I would never! What kind of bartender are you?”

_The kind that’s obsessed with you and wants to touch your thigh, too._

“You said champagne. You’ve been talking about champagne for the past fifteen minutes,” said Even instead.

“Yes, I’ve been talking about how much I hate it.”

“Lies,” Even laughed, throwing a towel over his shoulder and leaning back from the counter.

“Shit,” Isak groaned. “Don’t do that. I’m trying to prove you wrong. I need to concentrate.”

“Don’t do what?” Even chuckled.

“Throw that towel over your shoulder like that. That’s hot as fuck. Don’t do that.”

Even laughed. Wholeheartedly, too. Isak was so adorable. And he didn’t have a single clue.

“You think I’m hot?” Even smiled.

“Shut up.”

.

The champagne thing became their little running joke. And truthfully, Even had probably gotten distracted by Isak’s eyelashes and mistook his rant about champagne for him asking for it. Isak was probably right. He probably never ordered it. But it was nice banter and Even didn’t want to give it up.

Matias and Magnus started calling Isak his boyfriend after a couple of weeks because they spent too much time teasing each other over the counter and because Isak liked it. He never denied it or complained about it, so Even never did either.  _So much for not leading him on._

They always spent an obscene amount of time flirting like idiots and poking each other and teasing each other and telling each other that they looked hot until Even felt like he needed a break because he couldn’t possibly work when his jeans felt so tight. But then -- as if he read his mind -- Isak would always leave his stool right on time to go find himself someone who would actually kiss him and make him feel wanted.

.

Even truly believed that it was just sexual attraction at first. He thought that it was a remnant of the time he got fired for giving Isak shelter that one night when he was sixteen and broken. That one night Even realized beyond a doubt that he had to break up with Sonja because she didn’t make him feel anything anymore. Because a sixteen year old boy with tears that tasted like his wildest dreams made him feel more than he had ever felt and made him want to give up everything to make him feel okay again.

Even thought it was a remnant of the time he got fired for fucking him when he barely kissed him. Barely grazed his tongue against his when his entire body was screaming for him to wreck him. Maybe this was it.

But it wasn’t. It couldn’t be. It wasn’t just sexual.

Even didn’t want to just  _fuck_ him. Even wanted to be tender with him. He wanted to shield him. He wanted to protect him and hold him. It wasn’t sexual.

But perhaps that was all it was for Isak. Isak who waited and waited and waited. Isak who didn’t care how many times Even rejected him and who stayed mad for a few days then came running back with his lovely curls and lovely snapbacks and lovely face. Isak was so lovely. Isak who never pushed too much but never stopped reminding him that he was after his heart.

_My heart? My pants? What if I sleep with you and you no longer want me? What if I sleep with you and you no longer look at me like that?_

It wasn’t sexual.

.

Even remembered the day he knew for a fact that it was more than physical attraction. When he knew for a fact that he would pine after him forever. That Isak and him were probably written in the stars or something just as equally cheesy.

It was his birthday and he hadn’t told anyone at work. He didn’t have Facebook either so nobody knew. And he didn’t care. Birthdays were overrated anyways. Celebrating the day he was born when he spent most of his time wishing he hadn’t been wasn’t exactly high on his list of priorities. He dreaded that time of the year quite frankly. He always felt the loneliest on his birthday because he could always remember how he felt the year before that: just as equally empty, just as aimless, just as lonely, just as unsuccessful. Then his chest hurt when he thought about the year after that.

_I’m going to feel just as fucked. Just as empty. Just as lonely. Just as unsuccessful._

Even liked his job. He loved it. But it wasn’t his dream job obviously. He wanted to make films. He wanted to share stories he thought mattered. He wanted to make art. He wanted to create and create and create.

He made drinks instead. And it was okay. Most of the time it was. But on his birthday, it wasn’t. His birthday always felt like a deadline. It always felt like that big date in big corporations right before Christmas when everyone scrambled to get everything in and do their best to fatten their year-end bonus. Except that he didn’t get a bonus and that he didn’t work in a big corporation and that he didn’t scramble the night before to make the year look meaningful, usually being too busy curling around himself and reflecting.

He typically started feeling down as soon as February rolled over. Sometimes even before that.

Even hated his birthday. He hated it. And this year was no exception.

Except that it was.

Even wanted to call out of work but he figured he could use the distraction. It was just another day, another night. He slept all day then made his way to ‘Gule Gardiner’, the little bar he called home most nights.

_Will Isak be there tonight?_

Probably not. It was a Wednesday and Isak had class at 9:00 on Thursdays. It was his favorite class this semester, too. Something about radiology. Even loved listening to him rant about the assistant Professor and how incompetent he was. Even loved listening to Isak talk about his dreams and aspirations and wanting to save lives and be the sun. Isak was going to be a Doctor.  _And me. A bartender._

Isak wasn’t going to be there tonight and it was probably for the best. He wasn’t feeling too good and he didn’t trust himself to smile much tonight. He didn’t want him to worry like he knew he would.

Isak showed up and Even’s heart started pounding in his chest the moment he saw him smile across the room. He was wearing a gray sweater and dark jeans, and his hair was unruly and soft, always soft. He looked a little bit tired too, but his smile was still blinding, always blinding.

“What are you doing here?” Even asked the moment Isak settled on the Isak Stool.

“What do you mean?” Isak yawned. “I’m here to get a drink.”

Even frowned at that. Perhaps Isak had a bad day.

“Everything okay?” he asked with furrowed brows.

“Yeah. Just wanted to hang out with you tonight,” Isak shrugged before smiling again.

“Are you sure?” Even tried one last time, leaning over the counter. The bar wasn’t too busy tonight. He could sit and talk to Isak if he wanted to.

“Yeah babe. I’m sure.”

_Babe._

Even didn’t typically blush, but he probably did right then and there.  _Babe._

That was nice. So nice. No one had ever called him that on his birthday before.

“You okay there, Bech Næsheim?” Isak smirked, looking smug and well aware of how much that one word affected Even.

“Uh. Yeah. Just a bit tired,” Even nearly stuttered, making Isak laugh.

“Oh god! Babe, I’ll call you babe every day,” Isak chuckled.

“I’m going back to work,” Even shook his head then turned around because he was unable of hiding his own smile.

Isak made him smile. Isak always made him smile. And right now his laugh was spreading a warm feeling down his back.  _Babe._

“Hey Even,” Isak called after him when he went to take an order, still on his stool.

“Hm?”

“You look so fucking hot tonight.”

.

Isak stayed all night. He looked like he was about to fall asleep on his stool around one in the morning, but he persevered through drinking water after Even refused to serve him a Red Bull. Even wondered why tonight of all nights.

“You should go home,” he told him around 2 in the morning. “We’re closing soon.”

“I’ll stay,” said Isak, looking sleepy and adorable and comfy. “I’ll stay until you close.”

“You have class at 9:00,” said Even.

“You remember that?” Isak’s eyes suddenly widened a bit, still looking soft and tired.

“Of course. Radiology. You love that class.”

Even then watched Isak’s face morph into something between awe and fondness, and he felt bad.  _I’m leading him on. Again. Should have kept it to myself._

But he didn’t want to keep it to himself, not tonight. He wanted to be a bit mean and selfish tonight. He was feeling lonely, so lonely tonight. And Isak’s smile made everything okay. So he told him what he wanted to hear.

“I remember everything you ever said to me,” said Even. “I love everything you share about yourself with me.”

Isak stared at him for a little while until guilt started spreading in his chest.  _I’m an asshole._

But then he curled his fingers around Even’s shirt by his ribs and gently pulled him closer over the counter.

“So unfair,” Isak mumbled, his face mere breaths away from Even’s. “You’re so unfair.”

_Kiss me. If you kiss me right now, I will let you. I will kiss you back._

Isak didn’t kiss him. He pressed their foreheads together instead. And perhaps it was even more heartbreaking than an actual kiss. Perhaps it was more comforting than an actual kiss.

Even went to the back of the bar to help Matias clean and restock for the next day and left Isak on his stool, his heart pounding in his chest, his palms sweaty, his senses tingling.

When he came back, Isak was still there, fast asleep on the counter, his head resting on his folded arms, looking beautiful and lovely. He always looked beautiful.

Even didn’t know how to wake him, so he sat on the stool next to his and watched him instead.

“I’m leaving,” Matias announced before being shushed by Even.

‘He’s sleeping,’ Even mouthed, earning himself an eyeroll from Matias. He was going to give him  _shit_ for this later but Even couldn’t care less.

He felt ridiculous, but he still folded his arms over the counter right next to Isak’s, resting his head on them then turning it to the side to watch him sleep. It was so comforting.

_This is my best birthday celebration to date._

Even almost wanted to reach out and touch his face. Trace his skin with his fingers. Memorize every curve and every line. Even wanted to touch.

“You’re being creepy,” Isak startled him and made him jump off the stool.

_Shit._

Isak then cracked his eyes open and laughed.

“So smooth,” he chuckled.

“You weren’t sleeping?” said Even.

“I was. But you were staring at me so hard that I think you pierced holes through my skin. Woke me up,” said Isak.

“Sorry,” Even mumbled, now standing on his two feet and feeling as awkward as he probably looked.

“What for? For watching me sleep?” said Isak. “I think it’s cute.”

Even remembered a time when he was smooth and had game, too. A time when he would have just swooped Isak off his feet and taken him home the way he did in his dreams.

“I’ll walk you home,” said Even before Isak’s fingers curled around the ends of his black t-shirt, pulling.

“Let’s stay here for a bit,” said Isak. “It’s the first time we’re both on this side of the bar.”

Even stayed and Isak never stopped clutching his shirt. It was comforting in an odd way. They were linked without touching, and Even stood there next to him and watched him turn on his stool so that he was facing him.

“You didn’t even drink tonight,” said Even.

“I have class at 9:00,” said Isak. “I don’t drink when I have class that early.”

“Why are you here then?”

Isak probably had something on his mind. He probably had a bad day and just wanted to tell Even about it. But how bad was it for him to stay until almost 3 in the morning on a school night?

“Because it’s your birthday, baby,” said Isak instead.

_Oh._

“Oh.”

_How._

“How did you know?”

“Does it matter?” said Isak, his thigh now pressing against Even’s.

“I, uh-”

“You showed me your ID a few months ago, remember?” said Isak. “Because I said you look hot all the time and you said you look ugly on your ID.”

“And you remembered?”

“Yeah. Well, to be honest, I wrote it down cause my memory is shit. But yeah,” Isak shrugged.

Even didn’t know what to do. He was overwhelmed and he was feeling so much at the same time and his heart was bursting and he didn’t know what to do.

So he reached between them and wrapped his arms around Isak’s back like an idiot. Like an overwhelmed idiot. He hugged Isak because there was nothing else that he wanted more at that moment than to hold him and be held by him. Isak. His sweet sweet Isak.

Isak who instantly curled into him, locking his arms around his waist, and who spread his legs so that Even could fit between them. Isak.

_Gosh._ Even was a mess. He was a mess and this warmth in his chest, this love in his heart, this comforting sensation in his bones. He couldn’t deny them. Not tonight. Even couldn’t push Isak away, not when he was keeping him glued together tonight. He couldn’t. He didn’t want to. So he held onto him as if he was about to break.

_Please hold me._

Isak held him tight, so tight. As if he read his mind. Always reading his mind. His fingers riding up his shirt and digging into his skin, not saying a word, breathing through his nose, hard, so hard.

_Stay with me._

“Where does it hurt, baby?” Isak whispered against his neck. “I’ll make it stop. Tell me.”

Even didn’t know where to begin so he stayed quiet instead. He didn’t know how to tell him just how much everything hurt.

“I wish I liked myself the way you like me,” Even breathed instead.

.

“I hate my birthday because it just reminds me that everything is shit, you know. It’s like I look back at the previous year and see how little I’ve accomplished and how I’m stuck exactly where I was last year. And it’s shit. Cause I had dreams too, you know. I won’t become a doctor and save lives, but I used to have dreams, too. And I don’t anymore. And it sucks a bit. And my birthday is always there to remind me every year that I’m a failure and that I’m alone and that next year I’ll still be a failure and I’ll still be alone.”

“You’re not a failure. You can still do anything you want. You can still apply for the programs you want to enroll in,” said Isak, holding his hand because Even let him, Even who was still standing between his legs and pouring his heart out to him. “And you’re not alone. As long as I exist, you don’t have to be alone.”

Even looked down at their hands and took a mental picture to store it in his heart. Their hands looked good together. Even wanted to hold his hand all the time.

“And you don’t have to be alone next year either,” said Isak, squeezing his fingers. “If you want.”

Such simple words, such big questions. Isak was asking Even to let him in, to let him be  _with_ him and there for him. And Even was a mess but he didn’t know if he could make such promises. Especially tonight.

“I’m getting so old,” said Even instead, his chest deflating. “I’m 22. Do you know what people accomplish by 22?”

“Who gives a fuck about people?” said Isak, squeezing his thighs around Even’s hips. “And our age difference is now 3 years. It’s like hot as fuck.”

Even laughed. He really did. Isak always knew how to get him out of his self-loathing tirades.

“Yeah. It’s kinda hot,” said Even.

“So hot,” Isak smiled, looking sleepy but hot, so hot, his eyes darting to Even’s lips.

_If you kiss me tonight, I will let you._

Isak wrapped both arms around Even’s neck, still sitting on his stool, then leaned in.

Even closed his eyes in anticipation, his own hands finding Isak’s thighs and squeezing. He couldn’t wait. He couldn’t wait any longer.  

Isak kissed him on the cheek instead. A gentle and electric press of his lips against his cheek. It was so sweet that it made Even feel warm in his tummy. He was flustered and aroused and happy. So happy.

“Happy birthday, baby,” said Isak. “I’m so happy you exist.”

Even walked Isak home and let him kiss him on his other cheek at the door, squeezing his waist and hoping Isak felt just how desperate he was for him.

He then walked home listening to Cigarettes After Sex and didn’t fall asleep until the sun rose.

Even was in love. Undeniably and wholeheartedly. He was in love.

But he couldn’t tell him.

He spent the rest of the day googling Film schools and fellowships.

.

“Are you ever gonna kiss me again?” Isak blurted out one night while only two beers in, nearly making Even choke on nothing but air.

“What?”

“You were my first kiss,” said Isak very calmly before readjusting himself on the Isak stool. “And I was pretty shit at it. Just wondering if you’ll ever give me a chance to show you how good I am now.”

Even laughed then pushed two Moscow Mules into the hands of a lovely girl with a pixie haircut.

“Don’t ignore me,” Isak frowned, taking his snapback off his head and putting it on the counter.

“I’m not ignoring you,” said Even. “I’m working.”

“Same thing,” Isak shrugged. “That’s what you always say when you don’t want to answer my questions.”

He was right. Even didn’t want to hurt him so he just laughed then waited for Isak to change topics.

“You were good at it,” said Even.

“Hm?”

“Kissing. Your first kiss. It was good.”

“Liar,” Isak muttered, folding his arms over his chest. “I don’t even remember what I did. I probably just stood there like an idiot.”

_Wrong._

“Is that why you always hang around me while I’m trying to do actual work? Cause you want to show me your progress?” said Even, laughing a little bit and taking another order on the side.

“Asshole!” he heard Isak bit back after a few moments instead.

_Oh._

It wasn’t the banter version of ‘Asshole!’ No. It was the hurt version of ‘Asshole!’ And Even had to pause making whatever drink he was working on.

“Isak?”

But Isak had left the stool already. He hurt him.  _Great._ He still had another hour before his break and the bar was so busy that he couldn’t ask anyone to fill in for him.  _Shit._

.

“Can you give me Isak’s number?” he asked Magnus on the side.

“What?” Magnus furrowed his brows.

“Isak’s number. I need it,” said Even, hoping that perhaps a ‘Sorry’ via text could do.

“You don’t have Isak’s number?!” Magnus shrieked. “What?”

“Ugh. Just help me out here.”

“Why do you need his number? He’s right there. Just tell him to get over here.” said Magnus.

Even looked up and Isak was indeed right there, in the middle of the crowd, looking pretty and hot and straight out of his wildest dreams. He was also chatting with Even’s worst customer to date: a  _piece of shit_ who called himself Erik.

Even wasn’t a fan of his at all, having witnessed how disrespectful and pushy he was with people he tried to bring home. He often got in trouble with management for inspecting every drink Erik bought for girls or guys alike. He couldn’t help it. He didn’t trust him and he wanted to look out for people he was serving drinks to. And Erik was scum. There was no way he was going to get Isak.

_No. Not my boy._  

.

Isak wasn’t looking in his direction, wasn’t answering his texts, wasn’t acknowledging his existence. And  _okay,_ maybe Even deserved that. He wondered how daunting and exhausting constantly baring one’s soul could be. He wondered how hard having one’s heart out in the open truly was. Even wondered how much it hurt Isak to be so open and honest with him.

_I’m sorry._

Even messed up a couple of orders, his neck stretched out and his eyes roaming the crowd for a trace of Isak’s silhouette. He knew he was a smart guy. He knew he wouldn’t fall for Erik’s nonsense. But he still worried. People tended to let their guard down when they were hurt, especially after a few drinks.

Even worried and paced restlessly behind the counter until Isak made his way back to the Isak stool, looking a little bit annoyed but no longer angry.

“Isak, I’m sorry for earlier,” Even immediately said to his face, hoping his eyes looked more sincere than his voice sounded. The music was too loud. He couldn’t possibly put as much emotion in his voice as he wished.

“Whatever,” Isak waved his hand in his face, dismissing him.

_Ouch._

“No, I’m seriously-”

But then Erik interrupted them by flashing his signature grin and ordering two Maker’s Mark on the rocks, his hand landing on Isak’s shoulder in slow motion.

_Don’t touch him._

“Long time no see, Even,” said Erik with something like malice in his eyes.

“My favorite customer,” Even replied with his teeth grinding inside his mouth, hoping sarcasm bled through them.

He wanted to reach out and remove his hand from Isak’s shoulder. He wanted to shove him so bad.

Isak beat him to it though, awkwardly moving his shoulder until Erik’s hand fell off.

_That’s my baby._

“So what’s a pretty boy like you doing in a bar all by himself?” said Erik, putting his hand on the bar counter instead and ignoring Even altogether.

“I already told you,” said Isak, shrugging. “I’m waiting for my boyfriend to finish working.”

“Right. And where is this boyfriend of yours exactly?” said Erik, his hand reaching to hold onto Isak’s waist.

“Dude, don’t touch me,” Isak slapped his hand away, looking unimpressed and ready to pounce. “I can hurt you.”

“Tough boy. I like it,” Erik grinned.

_Gosh. I’m gonna hurt you, too._

“Still harassing my customers, Erik?” Even finally managed to open his mouth.

“Still trying to get me kicked out of this bar, Even?” Erik replied.

“Always,” Even smiled.

“Good. That makes two of us.”

“Good luck with that, buddy,” said Even. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Heard minors do it for you though,” Erik huffed out a laugh. “Isn’t that why you got fired last time? For fucking a minor?”

Even’s blood froze in his veins and his ears started ringing. It took a lot to make him lose his cool. It really did. He could barely look at Isak.

He wanted to say that he never did. That Isak was sixteen and that the legal age of consent in Norway was sixteen anywaysm just in case they had actually done anything. But he couldn’t say anything.

“Are you a dick to all bartenders or just Even?” Isak asked Erik, finally breaking the stifling silence and looking utterly unimpressed.

“Just Even,” Erik barked out a laugh. “Why? It’s not doing it for you?”

“No, not really,” Isak grimaced as if he were cringing.

“I didn’t know you were part of the Even fanclub,” Erik rose both hands as if he were surrendering.

“I’ll have you know that I’m the founder,” said Isak, planting one of his elbows on the counter and leaning against it, facing away from Even.

“Nice,” Erik laughed again. “And what does your supposed boyfriend think about that?”

“His supposed boyfriend loves it,” Even blurted out, surprising all three of them at the same time.

_Oh._

Isak didn’t even try to hide it. He just kept looking at him with wide eyes, questions marks all over his face. His face,  _gosh,_ Even loved his face. Even would start wars for his face. And those cheekbones. And those lips-

Even leaned in over the counter and pressed his lips to Isak’s. Soft and hesitant but still bold. Still blunt. Still raw. His despair probably bleeding into the breath he let out inside Isak’s lungs.

_I’m here. I’m kissing you. You’re the founder of my fanclub and I’m your boyfriend for the night. I’m here._

He didn’t have much time to think about it, but he suspected that Isak would push him away at some point. He didn’t. He hooked his arms around Even’s neck and nearly moaned against his mouth instead.

A peck. Even was going for a peck but Isak had different plans, biting his lower lip the moment Even tried to break the kiss.

Even was probably going to get fired for pulling such a stunt, but he was only human and humans made mistakes sometimes. His mistake being him thinking for even a second that he could get away with pecking Isak Valtersen on the mouth.

Isak was right. He was no longer that shy sixteen year old who got a hard-on from a mere kiss. No. He was good. He was really good and he licked into Even’s mouth with no hesitation, his fingers pulling at his hair, his tongue licking over Even’s lips as if he had wanted to put on this show for an eternity.

And Even was lost, his stomach hurting now that it was pressing against the counter.

_This is a disaster._

Even couldn’t see him, but he wanted to remember how Isak’s face looked and felt like while he was kissing him, so he traced it with his fingers instead.

“You. You’re a fucking dream,” Isak finally spoke, breathing hard against his mouth, his hands still in his hair.

When Even finally opened his eyes, Erik was nowhere to be found, people were looking at them, and he had no idea how long they had kissed for.

“You’re _my_ fucking dream,” said Even, feeling raw and vulnerable and unable of keeping those words inside any longer.

_You are._

Even didn’t get fired but he left the moment his shift ended, almost running home. He couldn’t face Isak. He couldn’t face anyone. He just left.

.

Isak never texted him and he never resented him either. Even knew that he probably hurt him but he wasn’t ready to deal with that. He didn’t really know what to do.

“I understand,” Isak told him the next time he saw him. “No need for this to be awkward. I understand that you wanted that guy to back off and that’s why you did what you did. I get it.”

_You don’t._

Erik somewhat spread the news that Isak and Even were either dating or pretending to be dating, and it quickly caught up with people who wanted to verify this information.

.

Even did it again. He called him ‘baby’ and threw an arm around him whenever he sensed that Isak was uncomfortable around some pushy douchebag. He wrapped an arm around his waist during his break, then left it there even after people left them alone. He left it there because he didn’t know if he wanted it anywhere else.

And Isak leaned against him every single time. He hooked both his arms around Even’s skinny frame and nuzzled against him, sometimes even leaving kisses along his jaw because he was Isak and he couldn’t possibly go home without giving Even a hard-on.  

_It’s all pretend._

* * *

**Him**

**23:27**

Babe

Creeper alert

Need me?

Come to the bar

You’re not busy?

Never busy for my boyfriend :p

I don’t want you to get fired because of me again :(

So dramatic

Am i rubbing off on you?

I wish you’d rub up against* me :(((

Isak omg

:p <3

* * *

Even quickly realized that the creeps weren’t actual creeps and that Isak simply wanted him to hold him. And he wasn’t sure he minded. This fake boyfriend thing was still ironic because they were both idiots and both ended their nights sexually frustrated.

Isak no longer hooked up with strangers to get a reaction out of Even, and Even stopped pretending it didn’t bother him.

.

Isak was talking to a girl with short dark hair on a stool that wasn’t his -- because he only ever talked to Even when he was on that stool -- and Even couldn’t help but interrupt.

The girl was obviously interested in Isak, her gaydar probably being broken judging by how she kept smiling while he almost rolled his eyes at her -- and not in the fond way he did with Even. He was just irritated.

“Hello. Can I hook you up with a drink?” Even asked the girl.

She chuckled and gently knocked her fist against Isak’s shoulder as if she was asking him to order for her. But he didn’t seem to get it.

“I’ll have another beer. Same one,” Isak said absentmindedly, reaching for his wallet.  _This idiot._

“It’s on me, babe,” said Even with a bright smile.

“Huh?” the girl breathed beside Isak.

“I hate it when you get my drinks. I know you have to pay for them later,” Isak groaned.

“What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you buy your own drinks when I work here?” said Even.

The girl seemed utterly lost and Even couldn’t help but grin. He was being mean, but Isak smiled with something like mischief in his eyes.

“Boyfriend,” Isak repeated, still smiling and leaning closer over the counter.

“Yes, that would be me,” said Even, both elbows on the hardwood, leaning in.

Isak laughed. Tonight was one of those nights. Tonight they were boyfriends again, but it felt different.

“Kiss me, boyfriend,” Isak smiled.

Even did. He kissed him because Isak asked and because he wanted to. He hadn’t kissed him since that night with Erik. But it still felt as though they had kissed their whole entire life. It was so natural, so evident, so perfect.

_Kiss me._

Even kissed him and didn’t hesitate this time, both hands cupping his face, pulling back every few strokes to look at him and brush his fingers against his cheeks.  _Sweet._

It wasn’t as urgent as before either. It wasn’t as breathless. It was slow. It was sweet. They were making out at his workplace. Casual. With Isak’s fingers fisting his hair and being sweet, so sweet.

_I’m so getting fired._

When they pulled apart, the girl was long gone and they both burst into laughter like idiots.  _Boyfriends._

.

Isak was talking to a shorter boy with dark curly hair and incredible eyebrows in the middle of the crowd one night, and Even started to feel anxious.

Perhaps it was all in his head. Perhaps they hadn’t made much progress and Isak was still looking at other boys. Perhaps this fake boyfriend thing meant more to Even than it did to Isak.

They huddled up in the middle of the dance floor and this boy seemed to make him smile. Not many people made Isak smile like that. He probably liked him. If they hooked up tonight it wouldn’t be for Even. It would be for Isak.

Even sighed. He wasn’t the jealous type, not at all. But Isak wasn’t exactly his so he couldn’t help but panic whenever he laughed with someone else.

_I don’t want your body but I hate to think about you with somebody else._

Even couldn’t concentrate and his drinks probably tasted like piss. But he couldn’t concentrate.

.

“He seems nice,” said Even when Isak got back to his stool. “And he’s hot, too.”

“What? Who?” Isak frowned.

“The guy you were talking to,” Even smiled, even though it killed him inside.

“Oh. Jonas?”

“That’s his name?” said Even. “Nice. That’s a cool name. And he’s a good catch, too. I say go for it unless you want me to pounce on that first.”

Isak stared at him for a good moment as if he were waiting for Even to take it back, his face eventually morphing into something angry and hurt, so hurt.

“What?”

“Fuck you, Even!” Isak bit in his face then left the stool altogether before disappearing into the crowd.

_What the hell._

“You’re such a fucking dick sometimes. You know that?” said Magnus beside him.

“What?! What the hell?”

“That’s Jonas. Isak’s best friend since like childhood,” said Magnus. “Isak really wanted him to meet you and basically dragged him here.”

“Shit,” Even spread his palms over the counter.  _I’m such a fucking idiot._

“By the way, did you know that in English ‘best friend’ is two words and that people on the internet get really fucking riled up if you spell it as one word by mistake?” said Magnus. “Like this person on the internet said and I quote that it’s ‘saccharine twee and nails on a chalkboard cringe’. It was quite an experience and-. Wait, are you listening?”

“Magnus, I’m having a crisis right now,” Even sighed. “I promise I’ll help you fight trolls on the internet next time.”

“You two are so annoying,” Magnus sighed, too.

* * *

**Boyfriend**

**00:19**

Isak i’m sorry

I’m a dick forgive me

I was a bit jealous

I’m sorry

And i would love to meet Jonas

* * *

Even met Jonas because he stopped by the bar to greet Magnus, and Isak stayed angry the entire time, glaring at him and shooting him death stares whenever Even attempted a smile.

“Can we talk?” Even tried.

“Your shift doesn’t end till an hour from now,” Isak replied in a cold tone that simply wasn’t him.

“I asked Sigrid to cover for me,” said Even. “Please?”

Isak looked away while sitting on his stool, both arms crossed over his chest and a deep frown between his eyebrows.  _How can you look so adorable even when you’re pissed._

“Baby, please?” Even tried again, then watched Isak nearly melt on the spot.  _Baby._

“Dick,” he groaned, a blush high up his cheeks.

“Oh my god,” Even laughed. “I’ll call you baby every day.”

.

“What do you want to talk about?” said Isak the moment they reached the narrow dark alley behind the bar where Even used to spend his breaks simply catching his breath and smoking cigarettes before he came into his life.

It was cold, bitter cold, maybe too cold for a late March night. And both of them were wearing t-shirts.

Even wasn’t sure what he wanted to talk about. He hadn’t thought this through. Perhaps he could start with apologizing.

_Yeah. Use your words. Apologize for being a jealous dick when you have no right and for assuming Jonas was his beau of the night. Then crack a joke. Go back inside. Don’t call him baby tonight. Keep it friendly. Don’t lead him on. Stop this fake boyfriend shit. It’s a recipe for disaster._

“Even?” Isak blinked at him, his cheeks pink, his curls golden, his skin pearly, his whole existence a dream. He was no longer angry and Even marveled at his ability to forgive him anything and everything. As if he believed in him, as if he saw something within him that nobody else did.

No one had ever believed in him the way Isak did so blindly.

No one.

Even pressed him against the wall and kissed him, forgetting about his words and his resolutions, forgetting about it all.

_Your lips_

_My lips_

_Apocalypse_

Something within Even always insisted that Isak was going to push him away whenever he kissed him. He couldn’t help it. He always believed Isak would get sick of his  _shit_ and push him away. But he never did. And this time was no exception.

Whatever anger was bundled up in Isak’s body while they were inside had completely evaporated. And all Even felt from his embrace was love and affection. Isak curled into him and pulled him closer between his legs, his lips molding into Even’s, pulling and pushing and giving, barely breathing. He had really gotten better at this. Even’s head was spinning and his hands were lost because they didn’t know what to hold onto.

They kissed. Their bodies melting together. They kissed until they were both warm then hot, until the bitter cold felt like a comforting breeze against their skin. And Isak was ruthless. He wanted what he wanted, and Even knew better than to push him away and freak out on him again. So he let himself be kissed and bruised. He let Isak have whatever he wanted because he had made him suffer and pine enough. He let him.

“What are we doing?” Isak eventually asked, both hands still in fists in Even’s hair, panting.

“Whatever you want,” said Even.

“Wanna go back to my place?”

Even knew Isak was blunt but he didn’t know he would be this blunt. But there was no turning back now.

“Okay,” said Even before grabbing his hand and leading the way.

.

Even didn’t know what he was expecting, but it wasn’t this. Them. Right now. In Isak’s bed. On his blue and gray duvet. Cuddling in their clothes and kissing lazily. Even didn’t expect this.

“What do you want?” he asked, just to make sure. Just to make sure he was giving Isak everything he wanted.

“Hold me.”

“That’s all you want?”

“That’s all I want,” said Isak.

So he did. Even held him while he lay on his chest then kissed his forehead and his temple and his nose and his cheeks and wherever he could reach.

Isak only wanted affection, only wanted to be touched. He was so touch-starved.  _This boy._ So Even was going to give him anything he wanted.

“Why do you like me so much?” said Even between kisses, sweet sweet kisses.

“It’s fucking stupid but you’re like the sun to me,” Isak replied with heavy eyelids and parted lips, his hands on Even’s neck. “I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t met you the night I ran away from home.”

Even was overwhelmed by his confession. He wasn’t sure he had ever been exposed to this side of Isak. The soft and vulnerable side that only wanted to be cuddled. He wasn’t sure he could handle being at the receiving end of so much devotion.  _The sun? Me?_

“You would have met me when you were seventeen, then,” said Even, his arms tightening around him.

“Like in a parallel universe,” Isak mumbled against his shirt.

“Hm?”

“You know. Parallel universes existing at the same time but with different possibilities and outcomes. Like I’m sure there’s another Isak and Even somewhere in the universe chilling in bed like this.”

“Another Isak and Even?” Even repeated. “Cause we always meet.”

“Yeah.”

“Perhaps we don’t meet again in ‘Gule Gardiner’ then. Perhaps the bar is called ‘Orange curtains’ in another universe,” Even smiled.

“Yeah,” Isak snuggled closer. “Or like we meet in uni or we meet in Nissen or we meet in Argentina. I don’t know.”

“That’s chill,” said Even. “We always meet.”

“We always do.”

.

“Magnus said you never bring guys over. I must be special,” Even attempted to bring back banter again.

Isak curled into him and buried his face in his neck instead.

“I’ve never had sex with anyone,” said Isak.

_Oh._

“I mean I did stuff obviously, but never like, the real thing,” he said.

“The real thing,” Even hummed, kissing his forehead. “That’s okay.”

He suddenly felt guilty for assuming he had, for all the thoughts in his head whenever Isak left the bar with some guy.

“I wanted to. Obviously. I’m always so horny,” Isak laughed, making Even laugh, too. “But I don’t know. It’s dumb but I want it to mean something. I want it to be with someone I trust.”

_Do you trust me?_

“And I trust you,” said Isak, always reading his mind.

Isak kissed him in bed after that. Not a sweet and innocent kiss this time. It was a desperate ‘please undress me’ kiss.

Even was only human, so when Isak turned them so that he was on his back on display for Even, he actually took off his shirt and kissed his neck.

Isak moaned in his arms then scrambled to unbuckle Even’s jeans with both hands.

_This isn’t fair to him._

“Isak. Wait-” Even covered his hands with his own. “Babe, wait.”

And  _oh no._ Isak looked hurt, so hurt.

“Why are you sad?” Even asked, still towering over him. He was going to ask the important questions now.

“Are you going to break my heart again? Are you going to push me away again? Really, Even? Is it because I’m inexperienced? Is it-”

Even interrupted him with a kiss on the mouth, a soft and sweet kiss, just like Isak.

“No, you idiot. I just want to tell you something about me,” said Even, breathing hard now.

“What? Just what?!”

“I’m bipolar,” said Even, both arms either side of Isak’s head, looking him dead in the eyes because he was done running, because he chose to believe that Isak would still want him, because he had to.

His confidence only lasted a few moments because the consoling look in Isak’s eyes told another story. He was going to get rejected. Isak didn’t want him anymore. Isak didn’t need mentally ill people in his life. His mother had ruined his teenage years and Even couldn’t ruin his university days. No way. It made sense. Even couldn’t even resent him. He had thought about this every night after all and he never resented Isak. Never. And Isak was-

“I know,” Isak finally breathed.

_What._

“What?” said Even.

“I said I know,” Isak cupped his face and offered him a gentle smile. “Baby, I know.”

Nothing made sense anymore. How could Isak know? And if he knew, why would he have chased him for the longest time? Nothing made sense.

“I was at a party with people who went to Bakka and I overheard them talking about you. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. It just happened. I’m sorry,” said Isak.

“How long have you known?” said Even.

“Found out right after you rejected me the first time I think,” said Isak. “And I understood why you did almost instantly. Because of what I said about my mother. I’m a fucking dick sometimes. I didn’t mean that.”

“But-”

“You’re so hard on yourself, baby. Why are you so hard on yourself?” Isak whispered, his touch tender on his face.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted you to tell me yourself. On your own terms. If you wanted to,” said Isak. “It was the least I could do for being so insensitive.”

“I was so awful to you because I thought-”

“I know,” said Isak. “It’s okay now. I know.”

They hugged in Isak’s bed after that and he left his jeans alone. They just cuddled until sleep came to find both of them.

.

When Even woke up, Isak was staring at him, his eyes green, green, green.

“Creepy,” Even breathed before sneakily pecking Isak on the lips.

“I admit. You did rub off on me after all,” Isak laughed, both hands finding his hair, kissing him right back.

Morning breath? Who cared about that?

“How about I rub up against you instead?” said Even, both hands finding Isak’s hips and swiftly pulling him until he was pinned under him, his eyes wide, wide, wide.

He wasn’t sure he had left Isak tongue-tied before.

_So pretty._

“You’re so pretty,” Even blurted out.

“Shut up,” Isak groaned.

“What? You are,” Even smiled.

“Can you stop describing me as a delicate princess and just fuck me already?”  

“Oh. Well. I was thinking we can build up to that,” said Even.

“Screw build up, Even. You left me with blue balls so many times, I lost count. You owe me this.”

“So eager.”

“Always for you,” said Isak. “Only for you.”

_Gosh._ This boy was going to kill him one day.

.

They didn’t do “the real thing” that day because Isak couldn’t relax and because Even didn’t want to hurt him. But they worked their way there. Slowly, surely, like they had all the time in the world. Because they did.

Even would never get over Isak’s face in his sheets, looking wrecked and beautiful and hot, so hot. So good, so good for him. Even wanted his first time to be perfect, so he did his best to make it as special as possible, as painless as possible. It took time and Isak was a mess but they both trembled in each other’s arms.

They said that people came in two. And Even never really believed in that. But right here, right now, with their bodies intertwined, with their bodies linked, with their bodies and souls becoming one, he couldn’t do much but believe it. He believed it with his whole heart.

People came in two. And Isak and Even came together.

.

“Where’s your boyfriend today?” said Matias.

“He’s studying for this big exam,” said Even, rearranging the straws and the napkins on the counter. “He can’t make it tonight.”

“Don’t  _you_ have some important deadline coming up?”

“Yeah, my first project is due at the end of the week,” said Even, grinning. “I’m almost done editing.”

“I’ve never seen anyone this happy to be in school,” said Matias.

_You have no idea._

Even had enrolled in the film program he had always wanted to enroll in and kept bartending on the side for money. Rent had to be paid somehow and their video games weren’t going to buy themselves.

.

“Hey handsome,” said Isak the moment he reached the stool, leaning in for a quick kiss.

“What are you doing here?” said Even.

“I’m here to see my boyfriend,” Isak smiled leaning in for another kiss.

How Even still hadn’t gotten fired was beyond him.

"Who?" Even teased.

"You, you dick," Isak groaned. 

 

Even laughed then dragged Isak by the hand to the bathroom during his break the way he had so many times in his dreams at first, then in reality now. 

"You're gonna get fired," Isak laughed against his mouth as he shoved him into a bathroom stall.

"Not if you keep quiet, babe," said Even as he kissed down his neck.

"Did you just tell  _me_  to keep quiet? Me? Your boyfriend? Your 'future Doctor' boyfriend who lets you have the last piece of fries? Did you just-"

"Fucking hell, I love you," Even blurted out, both hands on his hips as he gently pressed him against the wall.

_Oh._ It was out there. He hadn't said it yet. And Isak hadn't either. But they called each other 'the sun' or something, so it was pretty close. And it was only a matter of time, but still. 

Isak's eyes were wide and his cheeks were flushed, and  _what a sight._

"Did you just tell me you love me for the first time in a bathroom stall, Even Bech Næsheim?" Isak finally spoke, his breath a little bit shaky, his smile a little bit blinding, his eyes shining, shining, shining.  

"I think I just did," Even replied before pressing their lips together. 

"You think?"

"I know I did," said Even. 

Isak kissed him until he forgot his own name, then without a warning, he grabbed his face and spoke.

"I love you, too."

.

It wasn't the most romantic setting and Even didn't mind. Except that he did.

Which was why he made them recreate it under the rain, because he was an idiot, his idiot. 

"I can't believe you," Isak laughed. 

"We'll recreate it during the first snow, too," Even smiled then pecked him again. 

"You're an idiot," Isak laughed. 

"Your idiot."

_Yours._ For the longest time, Even wished Isak could be his. But what he didn't realize was that he had him all along. All along. He always had him. Isak was always wholeheartedly his. In every universe. He just needed to let himself have what he so desperately craved and needed. Him. Always him. 

"Wish you were mine," Even mumbled before pressing a kiss to his bare shoulder. "I used to think this whenever I saw you back when I was a dick."

Isak smiled then kissed him on the mouth, unspoken promises being peppered on his lips.

"Guess what, favorite bartender."

"What?" said Even. 

"I am yours," said Isak. 

_And yours, I am._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss them so much. aaaa.  
> I originally wanted to spread this verse into more chapters, though with the same content. But I decided to power through it and wrap it up to start finishing my other verses as well. I hate to keep you waiting. 
> 
> I wrote this during my train ride. it was certainly interesting haha. Hope you liked this verse <3  
> I always write about smitten!Even who chases Isak around, but I really wanted to dedicate a few words to Isak being the sweetest boy in the world and turning Even's life upside down. This was it <3 (i miss them fkjdjdf)
> 
> I was watching a kdrama and this whole entire childhood friends!AU verse got born in my mind and i have 5 chapters planned already. I am aching to start writing it but I understand that some people are confused with the ongoing WIPs, so I'll wait until I finish HIWIWY before I do that. Let me know your thoughts <33
> 
> As usual, leave a comment if you felt something, anything at all. It means the world.  
> Thank you for being so sweet and wonderful (minus that one person who knows who they are)  
> *hugssssss* ilyyyy <3333


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